Sex — For Real

What does sex in a relationship look like after 3, 5, 10, 20, 30, 40 years?

If love and respect are still there?

It looks just like everything else in life!

We might be tired — and not feel like it at all.

We might be anxious — and want sex only to confirm our worth.

We might get aroused by events, movies, or people who have nothing to do with our partner.

We might feel sad — and only want to be held, and then somehow it continues…

We might feel uneasy because our partner hasn’t initiated in a while, and seek sex just to reassure ourselves of our attractiveness.

There are endless reasons to want — or not want — sex.

Reducing sex to the formula “to love = to want,” or “if I don’t want, it means I don’t love, or something is wrong with me” — is narrow and dangerous.

Expecting your partner to want intimacy exactly when you do is like expecting them to feel hungry at the same moment — and crave the exact same food.

Differences in sexual desire are one of the main reasons couples come to me as an intimacy coach.

Very often — after many years of traditional therapy.

Why?

Unfortunately, therapy focused on endless “why?” and analyzing mismatches rarely resolves this issue.

So what can?

1. Sexual education aimed at pleasure — physical and emotional — not only at avoiding problems.

2. Practical communication skills: how to listen so your partner feels your attention; how to express your own desires; how to notice and voice your boundaries.

3. Skills of conscious touch: learning to hear your body, feel your partner, use different touch techniques, and understand the mechanics and psychology of arousal.

4. An expanded understanding of sex as “everything that arouses us,” not only “penetrative intercourse.”

If you notice that your desires and your partner’s no longer align as often, and talking doesn’t help anymore, I invite you to inquire about my 3-day private Immersion retreat. “Find Your Bliss” offers a safe, spacious container where you can learn new ways of connecting. Through personalized practices and pleasure-based education, many couples rediscover closeness, joy, and vitality in their relationship.

And you can, too!

Warmly,

Zhanna Lee