The power of sensual touch

Being sensual is being attuned to life.

The smell of rain. The taste of a ripe peach. Music that makes you want to move. The feeling of warm water on your skin.

There is so much available through our senses. How much of it do we give ourselves time to enjoy?

I’m especially interested in touch.

We use our hands all day. We type, cook, clean, carry things, take care of other people.

But how often do we let our hands feel something simply because it’s pleasant?

Your hands can be a source of pleasure for you, not only a way to get things done.

Does sensual touch have to be sexual?

No. Although it can be. :)

You might enjoy the texture of a soft blanket, the smoothness of a stone, or the feeling of running your fingers through your own hair.

You don’t need a partner. You don’t need to feel turned on.

You can begin by noticing what feels interesting or pleasant, without trying to make it into anything more.

This is something I love about exploring sensuality. Ordinary things can become surprisingly enjoyable when we give them our attention.

Why don’t we do this more often?

Sometimes we simply forget.

We’re busy. Our attention is somewhere else. We barely notice the chair supporting us or the clothes against our skin.

And sometimes slowing down to feel is uncomfortable.

You may notice restlessness, impatience, or the thought that you should be doing something useful. You might find yourself wondering whether you’re doing the practice correctly.

Being receptive can feel unfamiliar, especially if you’re used to being busy or taking care of others.

You don’t have to force yourself to relax or feel pleasure.

You can start with something simple and see what you notice.

A practice for waking up your hands

One of the first practices I introduce to clients is called “Waking the Hands,” developed by Dr. Betty Martin, creator of the Wheel of Consent® and co-founder of the School of Consent.

It’s a solo practice. All you need is a comfortable place to sit and an ordinary object.

A smooth stone, a wooden spoon, a piece of fabric. Something you can comfortably hold and explore.

Here is a simple way to begin:

1. Get comfortable. Lean back in your chair or against a wall. You can place a pillow in your lap to support your arms.

2. Pick up your object. Let your hands explore its shape, texture, weight, and temperature.

3. Slow down. Notice what you feel in your fingers and palms. You don’t need to examine every detail or work out what the object is made of.

4. Follow what feels pleasant. Perhaps you enjoy a rounded edge, a soft surface, or the weight resting in your palm. Let your hands move in ways you enjoy.

5. Give yourself time. Stay for a few minutes if that feels comfortable. You can change objects, adjust your position, or stop.

You may notice that you’re moving your hands automatically while thinking about something else.

When you notice, bring your attention back to the sensation.

What feels good to your hands?

What if you don’t feel much?

That can happen.

Perhaps the object isn’t particularly interesting to you. Try another one.

Perhaps you notice texture and temperature, but nothing you would call pleasure. That’s something to notice too.

Or perhaps you’re bored after thirty seconds.

You don’t need to turn this into a test of how sensual you are.

Try it again another day. Give yourself a little time to discover whether there’s something you enjoy.

The invitation is to notice your experience, including when it’s different from what you expected.

What does this have to do with touching your partner?

When touching another person, we can become very focused on doing something.

Giving a good massage. Helping them relax. Turning them on.

Those intentions may be lovely. But do you also notice what you feel through your own hands?

The warmth of their back. The texture of their hair. The shape of their hand resting in yours.

This brings up a useful conversation: are you touching in the way your partner has asked for, or are they inviting you to explore touch for your own enjoyment?

Those can be different experiences. Both need an agreement about what is welcome.

Practicing with an object gives you an opportunity to explore sensation without needing to consider another person’s response. Then, with a partner, you can talk about what you would both enjoy.

Bring a little more sensation into your day

You don’t need to save this for a formal practice.

Notice the water on your hands when you wash them. The feel of a towel. The texture of a leaf when you’re outside.

Pause when something feels pleasant.

You may discover how quickly you usually move past it.

Being sensual is being attuned to life. For me, that includes giving ordinary pleasures a little more of my attention.

If you would like guidance exploring sensual touch, giving and receiving, or the Wheel of Consent®, you’re welcome to reach out.

We can explore these practices in private coaching or at one of my workshops.

Love,

Zhanna